Single woman from the viewpoint of medicine

Joanna Rassell is 38 years old, and she was never married, the fact which makes her member of the most numerous club: club of people which are not married and live alone. For last decade, by the end of the second millennium, the number of the families consisting of one person, has grown more than on 25 percents, that is their number is increased with the greater speed, than quantity of other kinds of families. Now their 23 million, and 63 percents of singles are women. What be a part of this set? "You Feel disgustingly, - admits Joanna, having own business Washington, - to get acquainted and meet somebody in city in which it is full of visitors, - all the same what to float in pool with sharks.

Actually, - she continues, - life alone can be very full, is especial if you at that age when your career already was held also you have reached the financial security, allowing to not be afraid for the future. On the one hand, I love freedom which is given with such life. On the other hand, awfully to not have a number of close soul. Be one not too badly. Attempts not are one - that is disgusting".

You and your seed position

Joanna speaks, that though personally it never disturbed her, the majority her girlfriends unmarried and living alone count, that other world looks at them with condemnation. "They believe, that the single is necessary to somebody to learn, that you, is especial if to you for thirty and you never married, as people start to think, that with you not everything is all right".

Psychiatrist Kerol Vejs, the doctor of medicine, the professor of psychiatry and public health services, speaks, that so think the majority of singles of advanced age with which she had to work. "They are confused with that circumstance, that they are lonely, and sometimes they even hide it. They feel like ugly and think, that people of low opinion on them. They consider, that them would respect more if at them the man was. I can not tell, whether the society is valid so that they so perceive the position concerns to them, but, does not cause doubts".

Though as a whole the way of life of singles today is accepted, nevertheless the marriage continues to be considered as a part of "ethics of success", and if you are not married, it is considered as lack. Such social estimations, in opinion of Dr. Vejs, in any way can not help to estimate to singles the social status properly. "You do not need to be with somebody in matrimonial relations to feel like the high-grade person". In practice the feeling of the inferiority connected to position of the single, can testify to existence of more deep problem: about feeling of uncertainty in. "That you do not have husband, in itself not the reason to feel the derelict, the ugly creature, - approves Dr. Vejs. - If with you business is so, probably, it reflects your feeling of an inconsistency having other reason, and it should be found out".

Attitude of Katrine Hepbern

To cope with sad ideas on the loneliness to you your girlfriends, too unmarried which, besides everything, provide to you a society relieving you with feeling of loneliness can to help, for example. "You should realize, that such as you, is one of medicines for such illness much. When you see other capable, lovely people which are taking place in the same position, you understand, that they ugly creatures, defective people and that to them definition "pitiable" does not approach, - Dr. Vejs continues.

Role models help also. One of women told, that she admires with actress Katrine Hepbern who after short early marriage all life remained one. "I have understood, that it is possible to be loved, not having the husband", - she has told.

Some women find role models in own life. "When I studied in college, I was fascinated with one my teacher. It was the bright woman of years of thirty and unmarried, - one lonely woman who is feeling like quite happy tells. - she had fine apartment, set of friends, men of drop at her legs. I lead completely not such brilliant life, but she have set to me a fine example of what to do, if the person necessary to you does not appear. I have understood, that life does not begin with marriage".

Look at life more widely

Actually many women - singles who feel like unhappy, argue so: life begins with marriage. And marriage is that happens with you when you are young. "But they do not notice, - Dr. Vejs, speaks - that life offers set of the most interesting opportunities, frequently such of which it is possible to dream simply". "It seems to some unmarried women, that if they soon will not marry, they not for long will need to live the present life, - Dr. Vejs notices. - Them frightens, that they will grow old, at them will appear wrinkles and they for ever will lose the appeal to men. They appear unable to glance in the future to realize, that they are waited with other periods of human life. It seems to them, that the only thing the man in which they can interest, there can be a 30-years bachelor. They do not understand, that as they become more senior, they can become attractive to men of other age groups. They do not understand, what not at all life develops on a typical sample.

Many women remain in authority of children's dreams at which by all means there is a beautiful white dress and Fine Prince, - while they are young enough and yet do not experience because of occurrence of a gray hair and other attributes of that youth left. If dreams do not come true, they take themselves in hands and try to keep. They consider, that by 30 years by all means it is necessary to leave in marriage and when it is impossible, decide, that life was not set, that they losers", - Dr. Vejs continues.

But it is very much limited sight on a thing. "It is necessary to be able to see different opportunities, - she notices. - Ahead of you the whole life even if it will be not such as you was represented, will stay for ever one waits, either will marry, or will marry, and then will divorce. In life always there is a place for riches of impressions. But all of you fix attention on one of opportunities, and the others perceive as a continuous dark stain. It is necessary for you to leave from such condition and to learn to be pleased in life, to take pleasure for herself". Ellison Harvey understood, how it is important to be able to look at things widely. Instead of waiting for marriage and as a result begin proprietress at home, she has bought the old house and began to reconstruct it. She will spend weekends in search of sold garages or on a car racing. And the person whom she meets, is not similar for her children's dreams. First of all - her of 39 years, and to him 24. Ellison tells, that till 30 years she has rejected two offers to marry, because till 35 years the idea on marriage horrified her. But, when marriage became desired, all men of suitable age somewhere have disappeared. And then she has expanded the representations and has paid attention to men more youngly herself.

"To tell the truth, I thought, that he is more senior, and he considered, that I am younger, but the difference in the age of not a problem, - she concludes. - At us, certainly, different life experience, but it just and interestingly".

The law of reduction of number of possible grooms

Many lonely women, similar to Joanna Rassell, mark, that the worse of their life is necessity to meet. "How many frogs are necessary to kiss to find the prince?" - jokes Joanna. Psychologist Merion Franc, the doctor of philosophy, speaks, that many women with whom she had to collide as the privately practicing doctor, men whom they meet on a vital way complained, that, are unacceptable for them. "As the feminist and as the psychologist, I am afraid, that in something they are right, - she agrees. - As the woman advances in the career, men suitable to her becomes ever less". And not that that was not men. But traditionally women marry men is more senior than themselves, and men marry women which are more young. Though there are such situations, as at Ellison, but this exception, instead of a rule. "Men and women, - Dr. speaks Franc, - differ from each other, is especial in an estimation of sexual appeal". The woman can be proud of the successes in professional work and the independence, but it frightens off many men. The success makes the man attractive in eyes of an opposite floor, the success achieved by the woman, can avert from her.

"It means, that men have a wide range, and at us it is insignificant, - complains Joanna. - Always there will be younger women in whom they will take a great interest. Even if at the man the small choice, all the same in an environment will be younger woman at which kind he will exclaim: "What a chuck!" The lonely woman becomes more senior, the less often we hear: "What a chuck!"

But told does not mean, that the hope is not present. "I met women who so have got tired of fruitless acquaintances that attempts considered it necessary to stop, - Dr. tells Franc. - you should remain open for different opportunities, differently you condemn yourselves on execution of the worse expectations. Nevertheless it is possible to find the person who will understand you, will care of you and will not be frightened."

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